Stacerella

On the last long weekend of the summer, I have been suffering the indignity of menstruation. There has been far too many cramps, far too much pooping, and way more bloodletting than should be humanly possible. I have bled through so many clothes I now have three loads of laundry to do today.

Only trouble with that is all of this bloodletting has left my body severely depleted of iron, thus I have no energy to do anything beyond just sit or lay down. I don’t dare lay down for fear of bleeding all over our bed or couch while I sleep. It’s horrible. I truly can say I fucking hate being a woman at times like this without the slightest twinge of humour.

My weekend is ruined, my clothes are ruined, my energy is non-existent and all I want to do is sleep. I can normally sleep on a picket fence, but the cramps make sleeping in my chair impossible right now.

This is what happens when my body doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to, preferring to bank my periods for five months till the womb lining practically bursts at the seams leaving me in harm’s way. This isn’t good. Not good at all. My lady junk is fucked up. It’s defective and I should really ask for a replacement or a refund but who to ask — that bitch, Mother Nature? Since I’m not on speaking terms with her this weekend, and I don’t want to make babies anyway, it’s probably a wasted complaint in of itself, right?

Pray to Jeebus for me, people!!! Pray I can stay alive for the next 3 days at least. It should subside by then… hopefully. *yawing* In the meantime, I made brownies to drown my sorrows in. Sweet, gooey, yummy brownies. A whole pan to myself. Ideal comfort food at a time like this. And who is going to call me names like gross fatty in my delicate condition?? I dare you to walk a mile in my shoes right now and call me names for inhaling brownies. I double dare you!

A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him. He tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he wants to make a bit of a game out of it. He says he’ll bring the girl over with two other women and see if his mother can guess which is the one he wants to marry. His mother agrees to the game.

That night, he shows up at his mother’s house with three beautiful young ladies. They all sit down on the couch, and everyone has a wonderful evening talking and getting to know each other.

At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother, ‘OK, Mom, which one is the woman I want to marry?’

Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies, ‘The one in the middle.’

The young man is astounded. ‘How in the world did you figure it out?’

‘Easy,’ she says. ‘I don’t like her.’

We have ugly parquet flooring in our apartment, and recently when we were looking for homes to buy, we noticed we couldn’t get away from paquet flooring. We despise parquet. Like, loathe it. Our plan, should be be saddled with some in our first home (and there’s 99.9% certainty of that happening), we would take the time to lay down laminate or broadloom. Without question.

However, in the meantime, one the things I hate most about cleaning this small and weirdly shaped apartment is sweeping. And specifically with the broom choices that I had i my arsenal - including vacuums. Nothing seem to clean up the dust that seems to float up and fall back to the floor after sweep of the broom that area of the apartment. It felt like a never ending task and a futile one at that.

Enter Vileda’s newest straight broom, the DuActiva, that just hit the market not that long ago. I picked one up from the Home Hardware store that’s a few doors down from our store a week ago. Joe was skeptical and I could hear him tsk-tsk’ing me in his head for purchasing another broom I would end up bitter about. And to some extent, I had the same thoughts. But this broom spoke to me. Don’t laugh! I looked at the design and the sponge wedge that sits beside the bristles spoke to me. It said, “I will control the dust and drag it along with me wherever you go. I won’t let it escape.” So, being prone to listening to funny voices in my head, on tv and in home appliances, I brought it home.

The first time I used it, I knew I just spent the best $12 of my life. Seriously. It makes cleaning wood floors a simple task with minimal sweep strokes and minimal effort to get all of the dust. I normally put off sweeping under the bed as a chore I do a few times a year. The second I tested this broom, I moved the bed out and went to town. I even moved other furniture to sweep behind everything I could.

This is a shot of the dust bunnies from just the bedroom. It’s rather gross. No wonder Joe and I don’t sleep well at night. Who can if you have that much dust laying around? Allergies much?

I recommend getting this broom. It will shave a lot of sweeping time off your chore list per day and per week. I actually like sweeping now!

My life became complete yesterday when I found a link to HoffSpace, a social network section on David Hasselhoff’s official weebsite. (Apparently it’s “taking over the world.” Hee.) It’ so tacky and so David, I love it! I’m tempted to become a member, but I don’t actually like the Hoff enough to write favourable posts in the forum discussions, and I’m not looking to hook up with any Hoffsters online. But, if I WERE, this is where I totally do it. *snort*

Oh, and don’t forget to visit his worldwide blog and his gift shop while you’re enjoying your stay.

Remember this post? Turns out her grandfather had died the day before and the issue with her computer was the icing on the cake. She ended up stressed and frazzled by the time she called us. I felt like a shit heel after I learned that.

She came in the other day to ask us about her iToy (I forgot what it was), and since I’m fairly good with Google searching, I was able to help her locate the information she was after as to why her device never looks like it’s charging despite it on the charging base. She wasn’t able to tell if it was full of juice because she can’t hear the music through her headphones. We hooked it up to our speakers and it worked. Done, and done!

She walked out happy and Joe finally stopped making me feel like doo about hanging up on her. Balance has been restored!